Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
