my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
