I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
