you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
