I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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