Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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