im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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