I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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