What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize