Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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