I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
