You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
