After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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