So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
