he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
