The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
