she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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