bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
