who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
