so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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