he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how does that bad decision feel?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
