im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
