I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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