I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
