Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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