He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
