We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
