I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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