Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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