Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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