So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
