I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you didnt know i had herpes?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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