dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
