He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
