Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
