oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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