I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
