we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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