We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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