Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
