Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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