K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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