i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
