I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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