I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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