Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How naked do you want me to be?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
