I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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