take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
