piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
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did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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