We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
