I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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