It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
