im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
