I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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