When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
