She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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