could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
