i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
