Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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