there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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