my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
