I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
