Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
