You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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