I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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