I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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