i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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