just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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