Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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