Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
