my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
