My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
