All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
