Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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